Dreams and brownies

I've been having these dreams, every night, every time I sleep, and every time I wake up I have to assure myself that they aren't real, that they were all in my head.

A part of me always wonders if they really were or not.

Most of the dreams are now opaque and totally out of my memory, usually seconds upon waking up, but there is always one thing I can remember from each of them, and that is the way they make me feel when I wake up; afraid, completely afraid.... Sometimes I get lucky and I feel safe or empowered, but usually, it's accompanied by fear..... fear of, well I don't even know what.

Doctors say that an increase influx of remembering dreams can be brought on by stress.
If that were the case, I would have been dreaming nonstop for the past year, but I haven't. Not until summer has this continuous stream been hitting me, and with dreams that I most certainly cannot understand. It's like my mind is trying to tell me something, and I just don't know what.

Or rather, my subconscious mind...

Lately, it seems like I haven't been doing anything.
Literally, anything... I wake up, live, and sleep.
No pain, no excitement, nothing
Just........numb? Emotionless? Uncaring? I don't even know.

It's as if something has beaten the care out of me
leaving nothing but a shlub,
a drone
just going through routine after routine.

Work work work.... thoughtless little worker bee just keeps on working
jumping task to task like a rabbit~no planning no thinking no speaking~
work...work...work...

Looks like my life has become just as opaque as my dreams
cloudy; unable to predict what will happen next.
with the constant fear
I will be nothing more than a cold, hard, statue.
oh joy....

But, on a side note, there will always be brownies.
Maybe life is like a brownies process too
it doesn't make sense now, but eventually, you'll get warm, delicious brownies.

Or not, whichever...