(a song I wrote one Sunday afternoon)
Sitting here in the shade studying, what a pain
gotta head to work, it's late.
Hottest guy walking by
don't know what to say
crap now I'm late, oh great.
you walked over and flashed a smile
I was like putty in your hands
I was worried about a test
you said me thinks that doth protest
what could I say, carpe diem
Bright stars circling my head
you make it hard for me to get out of bed
(Whoa-oh!)
Class starts at ten
my professor hates men
but oh well
I'd just rather stay with you
I used to think it's all just a numbers game
GPA, SAT, it's all the same thing
I'm just a nerdy math geek that you always see walk by
(Whoa-oh-OH!)
I'd rather be out dancing till it's three in the morning
breaking laws, skinny dipping, just living
probably should of studied for that bio final
screw the honor roll, I think I'm falling in love.
Woke up in the morning with my glasses smashed in
headache so big, think I need some Excedrin
glitter in my hair and my homework on the floor
your laying next to me,
I didn't know you snore.
Breathe smells so fine
hope you can't smell mine
better brush my teeth before you see me
you grab my hand and pull me tight
you always make me feel like the prom king
Bright stars circling my head
you make it hard for me to get out of bed
(Whoa-oh!)
Class starts at ten
my professor hates men
but oh well
I'd just rather stay with you
I used to think it's all just a numbers game
GPA, SAT, it's all the same thing
I'm just a nerdy math geek that you always see walk by
(Whoa-oh-OH!)
Now I'm out dancing till it's three in the morning
breaking laws, skinny dipping, just living
probably should of studied for that bio final
screw the honor roll, I think I'm falling in love.
Now I'm laying here with you doing homework for chemistry
about to say eff it cause this class is such a mystery.
But you wouldn't have it, instead you helped me all night
and you wouldn't let me stop until I got it right!
(Whoa-oh-OH!)
(Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oooooh-o000h)
(yeah!)
I've got bright stars circling my head
You make it hard for me to get out of bed
I've got a class to get to at ten
My professor really hates men
I'd rather just stay here with you
But you won't let me fail so you pushed me through!
I used to think it's all just a numbers game
GPA, SAT, it's all the same thing
I'm just a nerdy math geek that you always see walk by
(Whoa-oh-OH!)
I'd rather be out dancing till it's three in the morning
breaking laws, skinny dipping, just living
But he made me study for that bio final, still
screw the honor roll, I think I'm falling in love.
(yeah, I think I'm falling in love)
(I might have fallen in love)
Screw the honor roll, I'd rather fall in love.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Growing up...no, not really.
I had a dream about losing all my teeth the other night.
There are several meanings as to what this could be about; a few of which really make sense; only one that…well…hard to say.
Losing your teeth is a sign of growing up because you leave behind your baby teeth and grow your adult teeth. Basically, you’re leaving something old behind, and getting something new instead. I guess in hind sight, the whole situation with Ryan last year could be a sign of this, and how I am moving on. But then again, I have already moved on from him a long time ago, so to have a dream about this now would be a bit late.
Another meaning is the loss of defense. You use your teeth to chew, to protect your tongue, to do many things really. Losing this could mean being afraid of what is to come in the future, or being afraid of where your life is going. I think this might ring true the most.
But then again…I don’t know.
The novocain might have seeped in a little more than I thought.
…
The ocean is so vast. When you’re out on the beach, and you sit back, and just really look, and observe the ocean before you, and just take in its vast expansion, it just makes you wonder; how different is the ocean really from life? It’s a constant wave of ebb and flow, swerving and building until it crashes upon itself, reaching the end…and then it starts all over again.
…
I’m at a point where I no longer feel like I know exactly what is going to happen in life.
I don’t know what will happen once I get out of college
I don’t know where I will end up; in another state, here in Texas living back at home, or just out and about.
It frightens me.
I think that’s one thing most college kids will never really admit. Sure, they say they know what they want to do, but no one ever says how really scared they are about life after college.
Haha.
Funny, it’s not even finding work that I’m scared about most.
Or finding a place to live, or going to the dream area I want to work.
There are scarier things to worry about.
Like never finding…
Nah, I can’t even say it, because that would make me weak right? Admitting what is really bothering me.
…
Ttfn.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Dreams and brownies
I've been having these dreams, every night, every time I sleep, and every time I wake up I have to assure myself that they aren't real, that they were all in my head.
A part of me always wonders if they really were or not.
Most of the dreams are now opaque and totally out of my memory, usually seconds upon waking up, but there is always one thing I can remember from each of them, and that is the way they make me feel when I wake up; afraid, completely afraid.... Sometimes I get lucky and I feel safe or empowered, but usually, it's accompanied by fear..... fear of, well I don't even know what.
Doctors say that an increase influx of remembering dreams can be brought on by stress.
If that were the case, I would have been dreaming nonstop for the past year, but I haven't. Not until summer has this continuous stream been hitting me, and with dreams that I most certainly cannot understand. It's like my mind is trying to tell me something, and I just don't know what.
Or rather, my subconscious mind...
Lately, it seems like I haven't been doing anything.
Literally, anything... I wake up, live, and sleep.
No pain, no excitement, nothing
Just........numb? Emotionless? Uncaring? I don't even know.
It's as if something has beaten the care out of me
leaving nothing but a shlub,
a drone
just going through routine after routine.
Work work work.... thoughtless little worker bee just keeps on working
jumping task to task like a rabbit~no planning no thinking no speaking~
work...work...work...
Looks like my life has become just as opaque as my dreams
cloudy; unable to predict what will happen next.
with the constant fear
I will be nothing more than a cold, hard, statue.
oh joy....
But, on a side note, there will always be brownies.
Maybe life is like a brownies process too
it doesn't make sense now, but eventually, you'll get warm, delicious brownies.
Or not, whichever...
A part of me always wonders if they really were or not.
Most of the dreams are now opaque and totally out of my memory, usually seconds upon waking up, but there is always one thing I can remember from each of them, and that is the way they make me feel when I wake up; afraid, completely afraid.... Sometimes I get lucky and I feel safe or empowered, but usually, it's accompanied by fear..... fear of, well I don't even know what.
Doctors say that an increase influx of remembering dreams can be brought on by stress.
If that were the case, I would have been dreaming nonstop for the past year, but I haven't. Not until summer has this continuous stream been hitting me, and with dreams that I most certainly cannot understand. It's like my mind is trying to tell me something, and I just don't know what.
Or rather, my subconscious mind...
Lately, it seems like I haven't been doing anything.
Literally, anything... I wake up, live, and sleep.
No pain, no excitement, nothing
Just........numb? Emotionless? Uncaring? I don't even know.
It's as if something has beaten the care out of me
leaving nothing but a shlub,
a drone
just going through routine after routine.
Work work work.... thoughtless little worker bee just keeps on working
jumping task to task like a rabbit~no planning no thinking no speaking~
work...work...work...
Looks like my life has become just as opaque as my dreams
cloudy; unable to predict what will happen next.
with the constant fear
I will be nothing more than a cold, hard, statue.
oh joy....
But, on a side note, there will always be brownies.
Maybe life is like a brownies process too
it doesn't make sense now, but eventually, you'll get warm, delicious brownies.
Or not, whichever...
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Redemption
What's wrong with me...
The things I let people say to me, the way I let people treat me, the things I let them do to me. It just isn't right what I let them do to me. I hear them screaming and fighting and crawling around, always in my head writhing like mice in a wheel having a picnic in my brain. They never know when to stop. They come to me with open arms, and then throw rocks through my frame thin of glass and shatter me piece by piece before walking right over me to their next victim, and I let them. All around me I see the luminous love shining of those around me, burning out and dying away just as soon as they began, and at my request. I never meant for them to, not any of them, not like this. How was I supposed to know they would all jump ship so fast? Am I to blame for this? Was the fault mine? The world is crumbling, sky falling, fires blazing, the earth twisting and cracking, oceans swathing, birds crying. Constant noise makes it all deafening and maddening.
I look inward upon myself, looking at the past, present and future to help understand what can be done to make it stop, and nothing happens. I'm left only with more questions, and little answers. I let them do these things to me, and I still come back, begging, pleading, praying, loving, wishing, hoping things will change.
Putting me on a pedestal, built me up to break me apart just as fast. I can never let them know the truth. They can never know how weak I really am. They can never know what I see or how I feel, and the others, they can never know who I really am. No. no no no no no.
Please, just punish me. Just leave them alone, and punish me, please. Please...
The things I let people say to me, the way I let people treat me, the things I let them do to me. It just isn't right what I let them do to me. I hear them screaming and fighting and crawling around, always in my head writhing like mice in a wheel having a picnic in my brain. They never know when to stop. They come to me with open arms, and then throw rocks through my frame thin of glass and shatter me piece by piece before walking right over me to their next victim, and I let them. All around me I see the luminous love shining of those around me, burning out and dying away just as soon as they began, and at my request. I never meant for them to, not any of them, not like this. How was I supposed to know they would all jump ship so fast? Am I to blame for this? Was the fault mine? The world is crumbling, sky falling, fires blazing, the earth twisting and cracking, oceans swathing, birds crying. Constant noise makes it all deafening and maddening.
I look inward upon myself, looking at the past, present and future to help understand what can be done to make it stop, and nothing happens. I'm left only with more questions, and little answers. I let them do these things to me, and I still come back, begging, pleading, praying, loving, wishing, hoping things will change.
Putting me on a pedestal, built me up to break me apart just as fast. I can never let them know the truth. They can never know how weak I really am. They can never know what I see or how I feel, and the others, they can never know who I really am. No. no no no no no.
Please, just punish me. Just leave them alone, and punish me, please. Please...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
